It’s almost here!!

So let’s go over a few things to help you get the most out of your wedding day.

A few opening thoughts…

Something I like to remind my couples of is that a wedding day should have two primary goals, and if you keep those two things in mind, the rest will fall into place.

1) Get married. Remember, the day is about the ceremony, the sacrament, the vow, the giving of yourself to your partner forever. Don’t lose sight of that. It’s easy to think it’s about the dancing, or the party, or the pictures. Remember, it’s about the two of you embarking on a life long journey forever. Everything else is ancillary.

2) Have a great damn time. This is a celebration. It’s the biggest party of your life to date. Everything about the day should be a celebration. When something goes “wrong” don’t forget that. If the flowers are wrong, shrug it off and finds something beautiful about the flowers that show up. Deal with it later. If you’re running late, the wedding waits for you gladly, just means you have more time to soak it in! If you get dirt on your dress, enjoy the freedom of taking off the proverbial white gloves! If the DJ plays the wrong song for your first dance, Dance your heart out anyway. Don’t waste one second on bad vibes or being upset on things outside of your control. I’ve seen too many people waste the day on being upset about things that ultimately don’t matter.

Getting Ready.

A few thoughts from my years of huffing hair-spray, learning how to put in veils, and pin boutonnières.

“What time will you arrive, Danny?” is always the first question that I get when it comes to the nitty gritty details. That varies wedding to wedding, but for overall planning purposes, I arrive on average about 2 hours before the ceremony. Sometimes up to 3 hours, sometimes only 90 minutes. If you have a bigger bridal party and lots going on, a bit longer and if it’s a small group and pictures of you getting your make-up done doesn’t interest you, a bit less. Typically the guys need a bit less time. If your contract includes a second photographer, he’ll come about an hour before the ceremony or first look. We’ll talk beforehand and come up with a good plan. Once I do arrive, here are a few tips to getting great photos at that part of the day!

  1. Encourage everyone to put the phone away. Conversation is the best weapon you have to combat this. Laughter photographs well. Tears photograph well. Scrolling doesn’t photograph well.

  2. Try to keep the space somewhat tidy. A lot of otherwise great photos have been scarred by iPhones, sweat pants and dirty dishes lying around and crumbs on the table.

  3. I get it, I’m a man in a woman’s world. Don’t mind me, I’ve heard it all before and have a much greater respect for the trials of womanhood because of it. I’ll mosey around, chat with your bridesmaid, banter with your Mom & Aunt, play with the flower girl, blend in with the group, and disappear when it’s inappropriate for me to be around. I’m great with social cues and know what’s okay and what’s not okay to photograph.

  4. I’ll photograph whatever details are meaningful to you, but I’d much rather take pictures of people than objects. If an object has meaning, I want to give it the respect it deserves. Grandmas bracelet, the shoes you chose that you agonized over, the heirloom pearls, the picture of grandpa on your bouquet are all things that deserve their moment in the sun. If you picked up your shoes from Target last minute and your earrings came from Claires, we may be better off skipping those because I do put time and thought into these things. That time & energy may be better spent elsewhere. If you think of it, have your maid of honor gather them all in the morning so I can come in and get right to work.

  5. Boys (and girls). Pace yourselves. I know weddings are a great excuse to tempt the limits of alcohol consumption, but it would be who of you to at least get through the ceremony in a moderately clear minded state. After all the pictures “I-do’s” are over and the pictures are taken, that’s the time to accelerate. I’ve never seen an empty bottle of tequila in the groom’s suite end well.

The First Look.

Unpopular opinion: A first look can be a logistical godsend. It can also be a sweaty mess and a complete waste of time. Here are a few thoughts to help you decide if a first look is right for you.

A first look is right for you if:

  1. You want to get all the “posed” photos done beforehand and not be bothered the rest of the night. An organized and well oiled wedding machine is critical to making this happen. Everyone needs to be ready on time and where they need to be, when they need to be there. If something (or someone) is running late, we’ll be doing photos after the ceremony instead of you making it to cocktail hour.

  2. You like a lot of pictures of the two of you. That’s the fun part of this - you’ll get lots of cool shots with you and your new husband or wife. Extra time, means extra time for pictures!

  3. You have a big bridal party ( 8+ on either side). When it comes to posed bridal party shots, I am a fan of quality over quantity. I like to set up one banger and let them off the hook. Realistically you’ll only hang one in the house (if any) and have one in the album. No need to bus them all over the city or the venue all the while torturing them with a bunch of photos you realistically won’t look at. That being said, those setups take time. I like to style you guys up, make sure everything is looking great and sometimes that takes a bit of patience.

  4. You’d prefer to keep your emotions private. To me, this is really the best reason to do a first look. Some people like to keep their cards close to their chest and I respect that. The gravity that is a relationship making it to this point is heavy and some people want to have that moment just for themselves.

A first look is wrong for you if:

  1. You prefer the traditional aspects of a wedding. The anticipation of seeing each other at the aisle is an amazing, unspeakably beautiful moment. I lived it, I wouldn’t trade that moment with my wife for anything. It’s burned into my mind and is honestly, the only moment I can still vividly recall from my wedding. The rest was a blur.

  2. You’re a quality over quantity kind of person. Some people don’t really care much for the posed portrait or the kissy pictures. They want one or two and then would rather be spending time with their family and friends and would rather me spend my energy taking candid and documentary style pictures of the day.

  3. You have a small bridal party or none at all. Small groups are exponentially easier to deal with than large ones. Less people, less personalities, less drunk groomsmen. Give me 15 minutes after the ceremony with everyone and we’ll cruise right on.

  4. You’re convinced of your families inability to be on time. I won’t say this is a total dealbreaker, we can still do a first look for the two of you and the bridal party and the photos after the ceremony getting you to the second half of cocktail hour. But, if you want everything done early and you know your brother has .01% chance of being there early, then let’s just keep our expectations in check.

  5. You’re a sweater. Meaning you’re like me and you sweat in a snowstorm. Sweaty pictures aren’t always your best. The first look often happens around 2 or 3 in the afternoon for a 5 or 6pm ceremony which can mean lots of sun. Lots of heat. We can find indoor places if the venue has one or find some shade, but it’s definitely a point to take into consideration.

I’m a neutral third party here. I want whatever is best for you and whatever allows you to enjoy your wedding to the greatest extent! A constant underlying theme is that this is your wedding, not my photoshoot. I want what's best for you! We can talk more about this if you have other questions!

The Ceremony.

I know that this part is the part the interrupts the flow of champagne, music, and jokes from the groomsmen. But I want to explain to you that there’s going to come a time in your life where you’re going to lean on that idea of “For Better or Worse.” Try to slow down and take it all in. Examine deeply, and appreciate the traditions your taking part in. Listen to the officiant, take in what they’re saying, internalize it, and be prepared to draw on that advice later in life when times aren’t as easy. If you’re in tune with what the officiant is saying, your photos will reflect that and there will be a deeper feeling to the photos as opposed to them feeling like a mild inconvenience.

During the ceremony I have 2 objectives. #1 is to be as respectful to the ceremony as possible, and #2 is to take great photos. Sometimes I do get close to you guys, but I will never obstruct a view of the family members or cause any sort of distraction that would take away from the tradition and the purity of the moment. I’ll check in with the leader of the ceremony to ensure I am aware of any cultural component that I am unaware of, but if your doing anything of the nature, please brief us sometime before the wedding so we can know what to expect

Ahh, everyones least favorite part of the day: The family pictures. If I had a nickel for every eye roll and sigh at the thought of doing these, I’d retire tomorrow. But I’m going to remind you of something somewhat unpleasant, but important to remember.

Life can change in a heartbeat.

There’s been plenty of people who got that terrible phone call and instantly their most cherished possession became the picture with that family member that just passed on. Life’s crazy and this part of the day is incredibly important. I’d argue they may be the most important photos taken all day. Okay, no more bumming you out, I promise.

What may seem like the hardest, most boring part of the day, is actually one of the easiest, and most straightforward. I like to refer myself as a “Ninja” when it comes to family formals. I can get through them quickly, efficiently and effectively. So how do we make that happen? Here’s how.

1. Be Bridezilla. Let everyone who will be in the family formals know well ahead of time, and remind them in the weeks & days leading up to the wedding to stay behind for family formals. If we’re doing them before the ceremony at for example, 3:30PM. Tell them to be ready at 3:00PM so everyone is there on time. There are only hang-ups when your brother heads for the bar, or Dad is checking on the Limo, or your Mom was pulled into conversation with the aunties. Searching for family members is a time-waster and keeps you guys from the fun parts of the day.

2. Try to group any extended families into one shot like we have shown above. When we chop up individual combinations that include your third cousin from Seattle, things tend to drag on a bit. That being said, I’ve done quite a few weddings with 4 or 5 30 person extended family shots. It’s no big deal, but revert back to point #1 try to make sure they know ahead of time if you can.

3. To take #2 one step further, consider keeping the formals to immediate family only. Large group shots are awesome, but they do take some time to set up, and if you're not super close with your extended family, it may not be necessary. We can have the MC call up extended family to the dance floor after dinner before the dancing starts and keep it a bit more casual.

4. I’ve shot hundreds of weddings with no shot list. I have a pretty good standard array of combinations in my head that I work off of that keeps the process moving along. That being said, I have also worked with many “Type-A’s” for whom the idea of “winging it” doesn’t really sound like a plan at all. In that event, check out this checklist I made to help you with a list.

5. Recruit a bridesmaid or a sister to help me with the combinations if there are a lot of them. I don’t know who your brother-in-law or cousin Becky is, and if they’re missing, I won’t know unless someone is there to help me with that.

6. Budget around 30 minutes for these. They might go faster than that, but they rarely go longer. When they do go longer, it’s because people are missing and we’re standing around waiting for people to show up.

7. Don’t get stressed when the plan goes out the window. I got you. If your grandma leaves the church early, we’ll catch her at the reception. Remember that part earlier about not stressing about things outside of your control? That’s this right here.

Family Formals.

Portraits.

Your wedding day is exactly that. Your wedding day. It’s not my photoshoot. It’s not about me. It’s about you two having the best & most meaningful time you can possibly imagine. In our conversation before the wedding we’ll talk about your goals for this part of the day and what exactly you want to achieve from this time. Everyone is different, everyone has different ideas of the photos that they want and are the most meaningful to them. I have had clients where we spent over an hour on these photos, and they loved them. They loved spending time in front of the camera, they loved decorating their home with these photos, and they were emblematic of beautiful day in a beatifically place to them. I’ve also had clients where we spent 5 minutes on these photos. “We just need one or two, Danny. I want to get to cocktail hour!” No problem at all. Regardless of which approach is right for you, here a few things I consider when making portraits:

  1. I promise you I am looking for double chins and weird arms. I want you to look your best and feel beautiful when you’re looking at these. I’m pretty good at avoiding unflattering angles. That being said, get comfortable. Speak up. If you have a concern, voice it. I’m comfortable admitting that sometimes I miss a bunched up train or a crooked tie. This is a collaboration above all things and your opinion is very important to me!

  2. I have a few portraits that I look for every wedding day. A “mom & dad” portrait which I think of as a classic, timeless, one for the mantle. A “big & wide” portrait which is something where you guys might be kinda small in the frame but the intent is to show you in the chosen locations in all its beauty. A “close up” which I really try to show some smiles. Something happy. Maybe silly. Maybe even serious. But that’s just a general framework to fall back on, I go off plan all the time. If I find something funky, I swing for the fences!

  3. If you can at all help it, be flexible in the 30-45 minutes surrounding sunset. A sunset is a fickle beast and if the sun is supposed to set at 7:00, the best light might actually be at 20 minutes before sunset when the sun is golden and filling the sky with beautiful glowing light. It could be 20 minutes after sunset when there’s a short window when the sky is on fire. It could be 30-40 minutes after sunset when the sky is a deep, dark blue. It could be cloudy and rainy all day and right at dusk the sky clears and we have a 5 minute window where it’s a magic show outside. So if you see me approaching while you’re greeting tables and I have a little bit of an anxious look on my face, if you like a good sunset it’s time to drop what you’re doing and give me 10 minutes of your time.

  4. Be flexible through the evening. Some of my favorite shots are funky things I see and think to myself, “Self, go grab them and make a portrait over there”. It’ll be quick and worth it. As you probably have ascertained already, I’m terrified of being the photographer that took too much of your time for pictures that we all have heard about, but at the same time if I see something cool it’s my duty to speak up! This could come at anytime, when we’re leaving the church, in a passing hallway, getting off the bus, sometime during the dance sets, or even at the very end of the night after the DJ shuts it down. But, you always have veto power. If you’d rather be on the dance floor or keep it moving, I'm happy to keep shooting whatever it is that you’re doing because that’s more meaningful to you than those pictures.

Party time.

All people really want to do at weddings is eat, drink, and dance. As the Notorious once said, “Cause all we wanna do is parrrrrty and bullshit and parrrrrty and bullshit.” At this point of the night I’m pretty self-sufficient. I find a coffee (and maybe a beer) and wander around with the camera and shoot whatever is happening, mostly things that you don’t get to see. Got a wild dance floor? I’ll be there. Lot of quiet conversations by a fire pit? We get those. Want some more group shots of all your mothers extended family? No problem. Need a group shot of the guys from the soccer team, your work family, or the sorority/fraternity? Just find me and I got you. This is what you’ve been waiting for all day, but a word from the wise: The next few hours FLY past you. Here are a few notes to get the most out of the night…

  1. The party is found wherever the bride is found. If you’re hanging by the bar, it’s a cocktail party. If you’re outside on the patio, it’ll be a night of talking and laughing. If you’re on the dance floor, it’s time to turn up. So, if you want a dance party, grab your drink and head to floor. If the dance floor is a little slow, it’s because you’re not there.

  2. Guys tend to gravitate away from the dance floor. You have no idea what it will mean to your new wife if you jump into the middle of the dance floor and cut it up with her. Who cares if you can’t dance. Hate to tell ya this, very few people at weddings can actually dance, it’s just the vodka telling them that they can. Go have a good time. It’ll mean the world to her.

  3. You should spend as much time together as possible, but it’s pretty standard that you drift apart into different social circles throughout the night. That’s cool, it happens at every wedding, you have the rest of your life to enjoy each others company. But, towards the end of the night my biggest piece of advice is to find each other. Soak up what just happened. Revel in it. Dance your hearts out. Make some time for quality time together no matter what.

A quick note to the fellas.

Guys, I get it. This stuff can seem kinda cheesy and definitely not in your wheelhouse, but welcome to marriage. I’m sure you’ve been inundated with wedding magazines, tagged in a billion “inspo” posts, and maybe you’re getting a little fatigued on wedding planning. However, let me tell you something that I bet those magazines have missed. Ready? Here it is... This is your first test as a husband. Can you play along on the wedding day for the pictures? It may seem inconsequential, it may not seem like a big deal that your disinterested in the photos, but let me tell you something real.

You are the linchpin to this whole thing. When the groom is disinterested and just wants to get it over with so he can get a beer, everything suffers.

Okay, that seems like the weight of the world on your shoulders right? Okay I have good news -- it’s really, really, easy to be a hero in this situation. Give her a real kiss, look into her eyes, hold her a little tighter than you normally do, kiss her sometime unexpected, whisper a corny joke to her to get her to laugh, all of these things are easy to do. Just roll with it, man. Trust me, I’m about as much of a “guy” as any other wedding photographer you will meet. I drink beer, lift weights, I like martial arts, and play pick-up basketball on Sunday nights. But I’m also a big softie. You can relax around me, be yourself, and love your wife the way you do when no one is around. You have no idea what this will mean to her in the long run.

Parting Thoughts.

Hopefully I have gotten a few points across through my previous pages of ramblings. After ~500 weddings I know what makes great photographs and it has little to do with a wedding blog or DIY projects or even the venues you have chosen. Great photos are made in a dimension that is really hard to describe in words. That dimension exists solely with presence. You have to be present for those moments in order to get the most out of not only your photos, but the way you remember your entire wedding day and how you feel during the day. When (not if, but when) something goes wrong, or something is running behind, you just have to stop, breathe, relax and know that you have a team of people there to make any problems go away. Don’t worry, we’ll order an Uber, carpool, call a cab, stop by the drug store to grab a Tide-To-Go stick, stop by the mall and get the guys new ties, whatever we have to do, it’s been done before, and I’ll do it again for you guys.

I want there to be an open dialogue about your wedding day and the thoughts you have leading up to it. Never hesitate to send an email or a text with a question or concern about any little detail. This invitation extends to your parents, partner, bridesmaids & planners. I’m here to help in anyway that I can.

Thanks,

-Danny